Tunde walked into his holiday apartment in Banana island at approximately 4pm. The flight was smooth. And surprisingly no traffic from the airport. He had hoped there would be. To delay his arrival home and the inevitable conversation he had to have with his wife. He wondered where she was.
He climbed up the stairs slowly. He opened their bedroom door gently. He saw her seated by the bedroom window. A glass of what looked like sherry in her hand.
𝘈𝘵 𝘵𝘩𝘪𝘴 𝘵𝘪𝘮𝘦? He thought.
Her hair was disheveled, and her eyes swollen. Tunde’s forehead creased with concern.
𝘏𝘢𝘴 𝘴𝘩𝘦 𝘴𝘭𝘦𝘱𝘵 𝘢𝘵 𝘢𝘭𝘭?
“You are back,” she said turning to look at him. Her eyes were red. Tunde wondered if it was from the drink or the tears.
𝘖𝘩 𝘎𝘰𝘥, 𝘸𝘩𝘢𝘵 𝘢𝘮 𝘐 𝘥𝘰𝘪𝘯𝘨 𝘵𝘰 𝘩𝘦𝘳? 𝘴𝘩𝘦 𝘥𝘰𝘦𝘴𝘯’𝘵 𝘥𝘦𝘴𝘦𝘳𝘷𝘦 𝘵𝘩𝘪𝘴.
He felt like a heel. When he spoke, he said “Yes I am back babes. How are you doing?”
“How do you think I am doing?” she spat. “How do you think any woman will be doing knowing that her husband is off in search of the woman of his dreams…”
“Wanda it’s not …”
“It’s not what!” She screamed. “How am I expected to feel? This whole year we have been married your dream lady has shared our home, shared our bed, and shared your heart. I don’t even know her. I wish I could see her just so I can see who it is I am competing with for my husband’s affections!”
Tears began to flow down her cheeks, but she didn’t stop
“You don’t talk about her, there are no pictures. I only hear of her when you sleep. When you call out the name of this my…my… nemesis … Debs. How can I compete with someone that only comes to you when you sleep?”
Tunde walked toward her, his palms up in front of him
“Babes please just…”
She stopped him in his tracks with a finger pointed at him as she rose from her perch by the window.
“Look at me Tunde… seriously, look at me!! I am an intelligent, beautiful, successful career woman. See what you have turned me into!”
“Babes I am so sorry’’ Tunde tried to hold her, but she shrugged him off.
“I don’t want your sorry. Did you see her? Did you talk with her? Do we even have a marriage anymore?”
She bent over as the sobs tore through her.
Tears welled up in Tunde’s eyes. He knelt beside his wife and held her.
“Babes please calm down. I promise we are going to talk … please just… let’s just calm down for a minute. I promise to tell you everything. How about if you just go and have a bath and meet me downstairs?”
“Oh, God!!! Wanda struggled out of his arms and got to her feet. She made her way to the bathroom “What have I done to deserve this? I have been faithful; I have loved this man so much”.
Tunde’s inhaled deeply as wiped the sweat off his forehead with shaky hands. He ran down the stairs to the living room.
What am I going to do? He paced the length and breadth of the parlor. Seeing Debbie today was supposed to be cathartic, but it made the whole situation worse. He shouldn’t have done it.
He didn’t expect her to still be so beautiful. She was plumper now, but it suited her. Her dimples, her laugh, her sweet nature. Just this short time in her presence made him feel young again. Took him back to when he first knew he loved her. No, he shouldn’t have done it. He continued to pace back and forth
But Wanda insisted! She said she wanted him to find out if he still had feelings for her. He reluctantly agreed, just to prove to himself and her that he was over Debbie. What a mistake
Debbie was supposed to be his one true love, she was supposed to be his first kiss, the mother of his children. It was always meant to be Debbie.
After his family’s relocation to the U.S, he always dreamt of the day he would come back to Nigeria and back to Debbie. Life kept on interrupting and he never did.
He met Wanda at a friend’s work function, and they hit it off. They were both Christians and shared the same values and love for God. Thiers was a good and solid marriage or so he thought till one day 6 months after their wedding. Wanda had asked out of the blue
“Who is Debbie?”
He recalled the feeling of breathlessness he felt. He knew in that instant he was in trouble.
His sleep talking was a constant bane in his life. His siblings had teased him mercilessly as a child. They always said he couldn’t be trusted because he always spilled secrets in his sleep. Similarly, high school was a nightmare. His roommates complained of the same thing.
He avoided having roommates after that. That was till he married Wanda. She insisted on celibacy right from the start. And with that guiding their relationship she never slept over, not once. He respected that. They passed that huddle now this…
He remembered stammering something like “Debbie is an old friend”.
“Really? how come you never mention her?”
“When I say old Wanda I mean when I was back in Nigeria old, a friend in my teens old.”
“Ok. So why do you call her name in your sleep?”
“Ummm I don’t think I do”
“Sweety, you do. Not every night but enough for me to notice. I hear you call for her, Debbie… at first I wondered what you were saying because it was ‘debs debs’ … then a few weeks ago it was Debbie, that’s when I realized you had been saying ‘Debs’. Why do you do that?”
“Babes I’m asleep, how do I know?” Tunde had blustered “This is ridiculous please just drop it.”
And she had. But not forever. 6 months later she suddenly announced.
“I want to go and see my parents in Nigeria.”
“Uuur where is this coming from?”
“I just thought since we are both taking time off for the holidays anyway, I wanna go and see them.”
“Ok if that is what you want.”
“It’s what I want” she had said with finality
It was after they arrived in Nigeria, she mentioned her real reason for wanting this trip.
“Tunde you need to face this Debbie lady once and for all. You still call her name out occasionally. Please call her today and go and see her wherever she is, I can’t live like this anymore.”
“But Wanda this isn’t necessary. I love you.’”
“I love you too, but this is not just necessary it is extremely crucial to our marriage. I make love to my husband and he falls asleep and calls out another woman’s name? You need to find out where your heart is for sure. We cannot go on like this. NO WAY!”
“Wanda don’t do to this” He had pleaded
“Me? You did this Tunde. You did this when you made me fall in love with you and you knew your heart wasn’t available.”
“But I love you.”
“Yes, I know you do. But it’s not enough. I can’t have half your heart. I can’t your side chick or second best. I need you to do this for yourself and us. When you come back you come back whole, or we get a divorce and go our separate ways.”
Wanda please don’t say that…”
“I am saying it and I mean it. Get in touch with her and set up a meeting. I will be here waiting when you get back”
Now here he was even more confused than before he left.
“God help me! I love Wanda and I don’t want to hurt her, but I have always loved Debbie too”.
God. Why hadn’t he ever prayed about this before? I think secretly he admitted to himself, it was an embarrassing prayer point and it’s not like God can take the feelings away. Can he?
Well here he was without a way out and he didn’t know anyone else who could help. So, in his living room, Tunde fell on his Knees.
“Father I have messed up soo badly. I am hurting your daughter; I don’t want to. but what do I do about how I feel about Debbie? How I have always felt. Please help me make sense of all this. Show me a way. I pray in Jesus’ Name.”
Tunde was in tears by this time. He was bone-weary of everything.
“I need your help desperately.”
He felt a presence. He knew God had heard him. Somehow, he knew.
Slowly and unbidden memories flooded his mind. He recalled vividly the first time he met Wanda, the times they went to church together, he recalled her staying up late to keep him company when he had a report due the next day. She was refilling his coffee cup while he worked. He remembered her on her knees countless times praying for him at night. He saw her waiting on the steps outside their apartment waiting for his return from every trip, even if it was overnight. The way she would fly down the stairs and jump on him like she hadn’t seen him for days. With a huge smile. He remembered the numerous times she declared. “I love you” and in so many ways had shown it. And she did this every day.
Even insisting on this trip. What other woman will risk her marriage like this? Wanda, because she always wanted him to be happy. She was an amazing woman and he didn’t deserve her.
He heard the bedroom door open and he knew she was coming downstairs. She descended one slow step at a time.
He had a final memory, their wedding day. As they stood at the altar before God, friends, and family.
“𝑊𝑖𝑙𝑙 𝑦𝑜𝑢 ℎ𝑎𝑣𝑒 𝑡ℎ𝑖𝑠 𝑤𝑜𝑚𝑎𝑛 𝑡𝑜 𝑏𝑒 𝑦𝑜𝑢𝑟 𝑙𝑎𝑤𝑓𝑢𝑙 𝑤𝑒𝑑𝑑𝑒𝑑 𝑤𝑖𝑓𝑒, 𝑡𝑜 𝑙𝑖𝑣𝑒 𝑡𝑜𝑔𝑒𝑡ℎ𝑒𝑟 𝑎𝑓𝑡𝑒𝑟 𝐺𝑜𝑑’𝑠 𝑜𝑟𝑑𝑖𝑛𝑎𝑛𝑐𝑒 𝑖𝑛 𝑡ℎ𝑒 𝐻𝑜𝑙𝑦 𝐸𝑠𝑡𝑎𝑡𝑒 𝑜𝑓 𝑀𝑎𝑡𝑟𝑖𝑚𝑜𝑛𝑦?”
He said…𝗬𝗲𝘀
“𝑊𝑖𝑙𝑙 𝑦𝑜𝑢 𝑙𝑜𝑣𝑒 ℎ𝑒𝑟, 𝑐𝑜𝑚𝑓𝑜𝑟𝑡 ℎ𝑒𝑟, ℎ𝑜𝑛𝑜𝑟 𝑎𝑛𝑑 𝑘𝑒𝑒𝑝 ℎ𝑒𝑟 𝑖𝑛 𝑠𝑖𝑐𝑘𝑛𝑒𝑠𝑠 𝑎𝑛𝑑 𝑖𝑛 ℎ𝑒𝑎𝑙𝑡ℎ; 𝑎𝑛𝑑 𝑓𝑜𝑟𝑠𝑎𝑘𝑖𝑛𝑔 𝑎𝑙𝑙 𝑜𝑡ℎ𝑒𝑟𝑠 𝑘𝑒𝑒𝑝 𝑦𝑜𝑢 𝑜𝑛𝑙𝑦 𝑢𝑛𝑡𝑜 ℎ𝑒𝑟 𝑎𝑠 𝑙𝑜𝑛𝑔 𝑎𝑠 𝑦𝑜𝑢 𝑏𝑜𝑡ℎ 𝑠ℎ𝑎𝑙𝑙 𝑙𝑖𝑣𝑒?”
He had said…. 𝗬𝗲𝘀
In that minute he knew, as she took the final steps down the stairs, this was where his focus and energy should be. He had made vows to this woman.
Asking God to give him the strength to fulfill the promise he made to her. He felt God’s peace flood his heart.
Wanda was standing on the landing. She looked tired but much better. He saw her take a deep breath and make her way towards him.
Tunde’s heart was suddenly filled to the brim with love for her. She was remarkable! This Wanda. And he told God so.
He said a quick prayer of thanks to God. At that moment he knew, the more he focused on the gift in front of him, the thoughts and feelings for Debbie will slowly fade or maybe not. But at this point that’s all they were, feelings, right?
Or maybe he should give it more time..
𝑱𝒂𝒎𝒆𝒔 1:5
𝑰𝒇 𝒂𝒏𝒚 𝒐𝒇 𝒚𝒐𝒖 𝒍𝒂𝒄𝒌 𝒘𝒊𝒔𝒅𝒐𝒎, 𝒍𝒆𝒕 𝒉𝒊𝒎 𝒂𝒔𝒌 𝒐𝒇 𝑮𝒐𝒅, 𝒕𝒉𝒂𝒕 𝒈𝒊𝒗𝒆𝒕𝒉 𝒕𝒐 𝒂𝒍𝒍 𝒎𝒆𝒏 𝒍𝒊𝒃𝒆𝒓𝒂𝒍𝒍𝒚, 𝒂𝒏𝒅 𝒖𝒑𝒃𝒓𝒂𝒊𝒅𝒆𝒅 𝒏𝒐𝒕; 𝒂𝒏𝒅 𝒈𝒊𝒗𝒆𝒔 𝒈𝒆𝒏𝒆𝒓𝒐𝒖𝒔𝒍𝒚 𝒕𝒐 𝒂𝒍𝒍 𝒘𝒊𝒕𝒉𝒐𝒖𝒕 𝒇𝒊𝒏𝒅𝒊𝒏𝒈 𝒇𝒂𝒖𝒍𝒕. , 𝒂𝒏𝒅 𝒊𝒕 𝒘𝒊𝒍𝒍 𝒃𝒆 𝒈𝒊𝒗𝒆𝒏 𝒕𝒐 𝒚𝒐𝒖
©Ogugua Ajayi
